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    Cold Hands...

    Two young lovers go up to the mountains for a romantic winter vacation. When they get there, the guy goes out to chop some wood. When he gets back, he says, "Honey, my hands are freezing!"
    She says, "Well, put them here between my thighs and that will warm them up."
    After lunch he goes back out to chop some more wood and comes back and says again, "Man! my hands are really freezing!"
    She says again, "Well, put them here between my thighs and warm them up." He does, and again that warms him up.
    After dinner, he goes out one more time to chop some wood to get them through the night. When he returns, he says again, "Honey, my hands are really, really freezing!"
    She looks at him and says, "For crying out loud, don't your ears ever get cold?"

    The Ladder To Success

    One day, Harry came upon a big, long ladder that stretched into the clouds. He'd walked this way every day and this ladder was never there before.
    Curious and brave, he began to climb. Eventually, he climbed into the layer of clouds, and saw this rather large, homely woman lying there on a cloud.
    She spoke: "Take me now or climb the ladder to success!" Harry figured success had to be better than this, so he continued climbing. He came upon another level of clouds, and found a thinner, cuter woman than before.
    She also spoke: "Take me now or climb the ladder to success!" Harry saw that his luck was changing and so continued his climb. On another level of clouds, he found a rather attractive woman with not so bad of a figure.
    She stated, "Take me now or climb the ladder to success!" Harry really liked his advantage now! He climbed quickly and deftly, and sure enough, on the next level, he found a gorgeous, lithe, well-endowed woman lying seductively on the cloud.
    "Take me now or climb the ladder to success," she huskily whispered. Harry couldn't believe his eyes, but his greed caught the best of him. He climbed to the next level, expecting Aphrodite or similar.
    Suddenly, the ladder ends, and a latch closes behind him. He looks over to see a 400-pound, 6'8" hairy biker looking guy with tattoos. The biker gets up and walks menacingly toward Harry.
    Apprehensively, Harry whispers, "Who are you?"
    The biker answers, "I'm Cess."

    Go forth and multiply

    A young woman married and had 13 children. Her husband died. She soon married again and had 7 more children. Again, her husband died. But, she remarried and this time had 5 more children.
    Alas, she finally croaked.
    Standing before her coffin, the preacher prayed to the Lord above, thanking him for this loving woman who fulfilled his commandment to "Go forth and multiply."
    In his final eulogy, he noted, "Thank you Lord, they're finally together."
    Leaning over to his neighbour, one mourner asked... "Do you think he means her first, second or third husband?"
    The other mourner then replied... "I think he means her legs."

    By the seaside

    Goldie was sitting on a beach in Florida, attempting to strike up a conversation with the attractive gentleman reading on the blanket beside hers.
    "Hello, sir," she said, "Do you like movies?"
    "Yes, I do," he responded, then returned to his book.
    Goldie persisted. "Do you like gardening?"
    The man again looked up from his book. "Yes, I do," he said politely before returning to his reading.
    Undaunted, Goldie asked. "Do you like pussycats?" With that, the man dropped his book and pounced on Goldie, ravaging her as she'd never been ravaged before.
    As the cloud of sand began to settle, Goldie dragged herself to a sitting position and panted, "How did you know that was what I wanted?"
    The man thought for a moment and replied, "How did you know my name was Katz?"

    You reap what you sew

    A man and his wife are doing yard work. Husband says to wife, "Your butt is as wide as the grill." She ignores the remark.
    A little later the husband takes his measuring tape and goes over to his wife while she is bending over working in a flower bed. He measures her rear end and gasps, "Geez, it IS as wide as the grill!"
    Later that night while in bed her husband starts to feel frisky. She calmly responds, "If you think I'm gonna fire up the grill for one little wiener, you ARE mistaken."





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